Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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