Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
