Buhtt sex?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
