You're my little dorito
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
