Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize