listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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