A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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