Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
