Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
