I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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