Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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