why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
