i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
