I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
