I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
