Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize