My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
