i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
