i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
