His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
