You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
