Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize