wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
