I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
