I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
