i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
