im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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