There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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