**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
