yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
