Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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