Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
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