It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
