Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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