new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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