at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I look better un-naked...
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Randomize
