I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
