turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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