I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
there is glitter all over my balls
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
