I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
