i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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