I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
