I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
