Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
