I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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