I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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