i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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