just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
