So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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