I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
as a side note pls kill me
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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