Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
