Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
