those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize