it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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