____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
