I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
