a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
