this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
