her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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