Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
