I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
