I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
