Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
