we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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