he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize