Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
