I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
