If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
