I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
