the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
