where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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