i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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