and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
