Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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