I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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