thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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