it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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