Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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