You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
