I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
