I want to make a zoo with you.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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