im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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