Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
