I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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