it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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