Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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