so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
