So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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