Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
