My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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