It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
