1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
