i don't like sucking hair
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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