My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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