forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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