is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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