I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
