Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
