Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
