I want to make a zoo with you.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Randomize
