tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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