I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
