My nipple is on Facebook.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
