i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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