I'm so fucking centered right now
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
