i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize