I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
